Monday, November 19, 2012

Week 36 - Feeling Low

Feeling kinda negative the past week, tearing at the slightest issue and had a full meltdown on Sunday. I've experienced this before and I know what is happening.

Was aware of postnatal depression but never thought it's possible to have depression during pregnancy. Did a search and found this article on quite helpful.

About 10% of pregnant women suffers from a period of depression during pregnancy.
As the symptoms varies from person to person, there's no fixed symptoms for depression. The article listed some of the more common symptoms that one may have if he/she is suffering from depression.

A. Inability to concentrate
B. Anxiety
C. Extreme irritability
D. Sleep problems
E. Extreme or unending fatigue
F. A desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all
G. A sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun any more
H. A persistent sadness
Symptoms D and E seems like a normal part of pregnancy.
I had all the above symptoms and I didn't know it. Well,  not until the meltdown on Sunday anyway.

This is what I felt in the past week.
Feels as if my husband doesn't care or understands me, and felt like he's always telling me off for something or another. Everything he says feels like he's using an angry and irritated tone on me, and all the things he does, it feels like he's not willing to do it but he's doing it just because I'm pregnant.

Feels like he's finding me very irritating and trying to get away from me. It really makes me feel very useless and angry at the same time. I teared almost every other day and couldn't find anyone to complain to. It's like who will believe me when I complain about a attentive husband being not attentive? It doesn't help when he's out all the time for his work, his friends, even when he's home he's always on the comp and phone, playing games or chatting with his friends. It just makes me feel so left out.

It's something that many people experienced without knowing they are experiencing it and it's even more difficult for people around them to understand what they are going through. Sometimes people used really negative terms or words, thinking that it will help them, like asking them to "snap out of it", "stop dwelling", "stop self-pitying" and stuffs like that.

Depression is not something you can just suddenly and immediately snap out of. It takes time for the person to try to get out of it. It's not a small paper cut that you can stop the blood from flowing with just a plaster. It's more like a bigger wound that needs care and concern to heal over a period of time, for some, it just takes a longer period.. The most important thing is for the person to accept that he/she is going through this phrase and opens to getting well. Well, at least it works for me. When I know I am going through it, I try to find ways to let out all the "bad thoughts".

I'm writing this entry because I want it to be a reminder to myself.
For my daughter, I will get myself out of this!

In other news..
Winnie's cot is here!

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